I found myself in a situation today that seemed to bring this distorted view to a head. I visited with an older couple I hadn't seen in some time. It was good to catch up, nice to just see them really. As we were talking, I felt compelled to share with them everything I had done in the past five years, from start to finish. I know how crazy this sounds, but for some reason I felt like my every accomplishment needed to be mentioned. They seemed so pleased as I spoke. You see, I am certain that this couple loves me, but I also know how high they value success and status. I knew that if I could somehow share what I had done with my life that they would, in return, be proud of me. This really sounds even more ridiculous as I type it out.....
In returning home this evening, I have spent time replaying the events of the evening. This is certainly not the first time I have felt the need to "prove myself". Why do I feel like I have to be more than I am?
As I put Stella to bed tonight, we read (in her Jesus Storybook) of when Jesus called his disciples to Himself. Let me share a bit with you:
Jesus needed to find some helpers and friends. He had a lot to do. He would need some people to help him.
Who would make good helpers, do you think? Clever ones? Rich ones? Strong, important ones? Some people might think so, but I'm sure by now you don't need me to tell you they'd be wrong. Because the people God uses don't have to know a lot of things, or have a lot of things-they just have to need him a lot.
I have forgotten this simple truth, the truth that God chooses to use not the person who tries to be somebody on their own, but the individual who recognizes they are nothing without Him.
Tonight I am reminded that I can not perform, work, talk, earn, or prove my way to the throne.
I am nothing without Him.
I am in need of God's grace.
I am somebody in Christ.
He is freedom.
1 comment:
Thank you Carrie. I needed that. :)
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